Thursday, December 16, 2010

What I Did On My Winter Evening

Let us see ... hmmm ...ah, yes ... here we go ...

It was a dark and stormy night ... and I finally managed to wrestle the friggin' huge 'real Christmas tree' into the house and got it placed in the living room.  Wrestle being the key word.  Hoooo crap, that thing was heavy.  We went for the 'cultivated', more filled in tree instead of the wild variety'cause everyone agreed that it was 'prettier'. (also more tree for the buck, I'll admit)
More wood = more weight.  It felt like trying to carry a feisty, pine scented fat-chick over the threshold ...
When we picked out the tree, on the weekend, it looked like a beautiful, normal sized, awesome (the kids loved it) perfect tree.  Sitting in my living room, it's fucking freakishly huge ... In the dark, it kinda looks like some sort of bigfoot hiding out in the corner waiting to pounce (that could be just me after having to fight with it).
First it was the lights.  You know, one of the practical things about having a fake tree is that after a while you get to know exactly how many strings of lights, garland and etc. are gonna go on the tree because, lets face it, nothing size-wise changes from one year to the next.  My puzzler definitely got puzzled trying to figure out where all the 8 strings of lights were gonna go on my new super-sized monster tree.
Then I had to decorate the 'thing'.  Ok, no ... the family and I decorated it ... except that I put all the stuff on the top half of the tree 'cause nobody else can reach that high. And yes, there I was, standing tippy-toed (emphasis on the tippy) on a step ladder hugging the pine scented fat-chick trying to wrap a wonderful necklace of ribbon around its lovely pine-sap-sticky neck, over and over again.

It all seems like you have a nice moderate amount of decorations when you're bringing up the boxes from their hiding places in the basement buuuttt ... once they are opened and spread out all over the living room ... it's easy to realize that " shit be way outta control " and " fuck we've got way too much of this shit".  For some reason 2 trips with boxes of decorations coming up from the basement seems to turn into 4 trips in returning said empty boxes and packages back down into the basement.

Another thing that crazy huge trees have is crazy huge amounts of pine needles that fall off at the slightest touch.  The whole dragging it through the front door thing added like a foot of 'confetti' to my romantic wedding scene.

Sigh ... and in 3 weeks I gotta do this all again in reverse ...

Monday, December 13, 2010

BAHHHHH Hummerbug ....

Here's a little sumpin' sumpin' to put you deep into the holiday spirit ... Or kill any and all of it that has been free-ranging around in you ...

OOOOooooOOOO ... The cockles are warming ...

...aaaannnndddd to finish you right off ...

Monday, November 29, 2010


Wellllll .... I was planning to give the ole blog a bit of an overhaul in the looks department and hopefully start today off with a sparkling new effort that would get me to post a little bit more frequency ... you know spruce the place up a bit...
And then ... the dog spent a good chunk of last night blowing chunks ... which of course had me awake the whole night either cleaning up dog yak or waiting for the next eruption of the dog yak ...
All this to say, "I Am Friggin' Tired" !!!!!!!   ......... 
And so, all my 'grand schemes' are gonna have to wait until tomorrow.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I'll Have That With Some Fava Beans And A Nice Chianti ...

There is just no end to the slap-happy source known as 
'the weird shit":
Kentucky Man: I was Forced To Eat My Own Beard

Watch the video ....
I am shocked because there is absolutely, (I'll even say it again) absolutely nothing that I could add as a comment that would do justice, in any way, to the sheer, jaw-dropping, "Holy-Shit"-ness of the video.  There's really no point in commenting on what went on in the video/story (Dude forced to eat his own beard 'cause he's suspected to be a lawnmower shyster) ... It's the guy in the story ... and because of the story ...
That, my friends was a DIY 'stereotype' in a box.  I don't think that I have ever seen someone fulfill a stereotype so perfectly ... It was 'beautiful'.  It's almost one of those once-in-a-lifetime events ... Like seeing the statue of David or a flawless diamond... I'm getting all misty ...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

You Thought Your Kids Had Problems ...

You know, I gotta say that when I watched this for the first time I got a serious case of the chills, and in the 'no way near a good' way...
This freaky kid even puts on a pseudo English accent... In general, I'm all for going whole hog into what you really like/love but, jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick, show a smidgeon of restraint (if not restraint, how about a sliver of a desire to get laid).
Side note: Where could this guy be getting all the cash necessary to fund his 'little' obsession.

Also what in the hell does anyone get this guy for Christmas ... 
"Hey son here's a ..."
"Got it."
"How 'bout ..."
"Got it"
"Ya but, maybe ..."
"Pfft, Got that last year."
Sigh ...
"There's always cash ..."

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Monday, November 15, 2010

And We Only Get Free Donuts

This one encompasses the whole rainbow from 'Fucking WOW' to 'Holy Crap, That's just Fucking Scary'.

Dealership Offers Free Guns For Truck Buyers

I've gotta be completely honest and say that Yes, getting a free AK-47 assault rifle with my new pick-up purchase is one helluva cool promotion (Yay).  Seriously, a freakin' AK-47.  I'm pretty hard pressed to think of something that would bump up the awesomness factor that doesn't involve massive amounts of cash, a tiger and/or a hooker.

ON THE OTHER HAND, this dealer is in Florida ... F-L-O-R-I-D-A ... and ... well ... It's easy just to say, "Enough said."  Buuuttt ...
This may seem like I'm disparaging the all the fine folks of the whole state but ... well ... let me just say that I think that there's some sort of saying that talks of how all the nuts run down and collect in Florida.  
I, again, know that I hail from the land of the gun restrictions but never the less, I honestly can't see any worthwhile reason why the gun racks of Florida trucks would need an influx of AK-47s( or anywhere to be frank ... sir ).  The only thing that I can think of is maybe the AK-47 is the one rifle that has someway, somehow eluded the avid Floridian truck and gun collector ... and the truck dealer is just being helpful.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Seriously ...?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yup ... Yup ... Yup ...Yup ... Yup ... Yup ... Yup ... Yup ... Yup ... You got it ... Yup
The International Quidditch Association

Is there a better advertisement for people who don't want to get laid ... it's like the anti e-harmony ... it's played by running around with a broom between your legs to simulate flying.  I don't think that there could be any incarnation of the books that could in any way be any geekier. (3 anys and counting) I'm thinking ...
Oh, and there's a rulebook and a World Cup ... Ooooo and it's in 3 days.
Mind is blown ...

Nevermind The Animals ...

Holy Crap ... 
Chicken Little here ... and I'm thinking that, as a species, our days are pretty much numbered.  As I've clearly pointed in previous posts Mother Nature is out to get us.  In an even scarier turn of events, the genius scientists seem to be on the fast track to inventing robots(artificial beings, etc.) that will fit right into the first wave of the upcoming robot apocalypse.  Here's a little look-see:

Robot Identifies Human Flesh As Bacon

We now gotta figure out how to keep one eye on Fluffy and the other one on the microwave ...

Monday, November 1, 2010

Post Halloween Monday

I'm currently in a pumpkin and sugar induce haze. I think that the most that I can manage today are a few videos and movie trailers.

Another movie that I don't know if I'll get to see but hey, it still looks cool ...

This helps explain all the movies that I was too much of a chicken shit to watch ...

Yeeeesssss, I know that I should have posted this before Halloween so that I could give all you folks out there a handy, no-mess method for carving your jack-o-lantern.

This is all you need to see to live in fear of the future ...

Cannon Fires Shoe Directly Into Kid's Face - Watch more Funny Videos

Thursday, October 28, 2010

You Were Warned ...

This is soooooo definitely sign number 2 ( When the time comes I may even bump it up to being the main sign that was the cause of the apocalypse).

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Last Friday my computer decided to crap itself into oblivion (I'm listing toward the hyperbole this mornin').  It got the shakes and googly eyes and then just shut down with a "Please insert the Windows CD to restore everything" kinda 'meany' screen. 
I then got the sweats ...
You know, being 43 yr. old crusty guy, I like to tell myself that I'm more in touch with the old ways, the ways that like to build stuff out of wood and duct tape.  The ways that drive extra Kilometers out of the way to save a penny-a-liter on gas.  
I've even started to integrate a whole lot of "Those damn kids" and " Hey you, get off my lawn" into my daily life.  I honestly never really saw myself as someone who was greatly dependent on "The Technology"... (computer, Blackberry and iPod Touch notwithstanding)  I was livin' it old school in suburbia.
Then one of the babies died ...
Holy crap, what a downer, I wasn't so much just dipping my toes into the lake, as much as kinda treading water. Hello, my name is Edfoot, and we have a problem ...
Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick ... The next few days were spent with loading and reloading, some crying, some cursing and some necessary hugging.  We were checking on pictures, songs, bookmarks, recipes and documents, and to varying degrees some were lost for good.  It's really a swift kick in the johnson all wrapped up with a wake up call when something like this happens.  And at the end of the day, in retrospect, it was a relatively minor occurrence.  The computer is back up and running and except for a few items here and there, most of the important stuff was recovered but man what could have been ... It really makes you see how much of our lives we plunk on to this 'machine' and how we gotta be a little bit more diligent in protecting the important stuff.
Or maybe we should just print the photos, write out the recipes, print out the documents, and realize that, in this instance, being backed up is a wonderful thing.

P.S.  I was trying out this new picture for the Blog Title and deciding whether I really liked it or not buuutttt since I've lost the old ones, we're kinda stuck with it for now.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It's I'm Feeling Weird Day

Now that you've seen it, I'm guessing you're thinking "What's wrong with him?!?"
My only answer is that I saw this a while back and had it kicking around in my bookmarks waiting to think of something I could say about it.  What the hell can you say about it ...
It's from a movie "Female Ninja Magic Chronicles 3" and here's a review I found on IMDb:

Many films fail as a whole yet must be seen for a few creative elements. This is truer for the horror and exploitation genres where a cool death scene or a nasty rape scene can make an otherwise bland flick. Female Ninja Magic Chronicles 3 (supposedly the best of the series, but I'll never know because I won't bother trying to track down the rest) has a really cool gimmick, but even though the rest of the film is filled with softcore sex, a wacky plot, and gay jokes, the magic tricks are all you'll remember.

An aging ruler with no male heir can't get an erection anymore. To combat this, a group of female ninjas are tasked with getting this sacred text of sexual positions from a guy who doesn't want to give it up, thinking it will help Ol' Limpy. Woo hoo, that's pretty wacky in and of itself, but WAIT! THERE'S MORE! The female ninjas each used different magic tricks. One could make her hair grow and strangle people plus she shot silk webbing out of her love canal. One had acid breast milk that melted a guy. One had poison soap bubbles, aka "Vagina Bubbles From Hell." Plus the female ninjas can talk to each other over distances using ECHO. Wow! Ya don't say...

Anyway, aside from the magic tricks the sex scenes are dull, the storyline is nonsensical and meandering, and all in all it's a just plain stupid movie. Of course, it still gets my recommendation.

Yes , you heard/read/saw it right ... Poison Vagina Bubbles...How do you top that for weirdness? ...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Ya, Ya, Ya, Sure ... Crazy Talk ... That's it ...

I'm telling ya ... the signs are doing nothing but screaming out ... Whenever I get finished with writing this blog, there's gonna be a crapload of evidence (Ok, less evidency type stuff and more ranty, opinionated stuff) left that is gonna be a glaring slap in the face ... As I've said before ...(Dum Dum Dum and dramatic pause)

The animals have it in for us or The animals are plotting our downfall.

Seriously ... read these latest 2 headlines and stories:
Mountain Goat Suspected In Death Of US Hiker
Car-Eating Rabbits Invade Denver Airport
Call me crazy will ya ... HA ... HA
We'll all rue the day I say ... rue it ... (cue the crazy cackling old guy laughter)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Cops" International

This is another Wow video for an advance Lazy Friday.

I wish that I understood what the commentators were saying.  They sounded a little like auctioneers on drugs...

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Here's Number 3

It's absolutely amazing what the human being will dream up to: beat boredom, push the limits or fuck with the system. Now they're messing with chocolate...
Sniffing Cocoa At The International Chefs Congress In NYC
It's a long and windy story but the ending bits of it talk about how these guys came up with a little device that that flicks powdered chocolate and other flavours up your nose to "enhance the chocolate experience".  For the most part, I'm on board with those who want to reinvent the wheel, but in this instance, just fucking each the shit ... it's chocolate, it's not brussel sprouts!  I'm fairly certain that chocolate will still get eaten with enough gusto that an enhancement won't ever really be necessary. What's friggin' next: Enhance your Calamari experience ... snort some squid!

Hey Art, Getta Load Of This

Here's me trying to stay on the cutting edge of what's new and fresh in the music industry ...
Enjoy :

Now try and wipe that goofy WTF look off your face.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Look What Just Wandered In

MMMMMmmmmm.  NumNums for everyone ....
Mechanically Separated Poultry

Uh oh, I seem on a food related streak ... I wonder what number 3 is gonna be?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Picture Is Worth 1000 Dry Heaves

I first saw this story last week ( in two versions even...)
Man Finds Mouse Embedded In Loaf Of Bread and Oh Look: There's A Mouse In My Bread
I'll just leave you with the picture ... after that there'll probably be no real need to actually read the story.

Just makin' a Mousekasandwich ...

State Of The Union Thingy

Ok, so here we are, it's Wednesday October the 6, and I feeling the urge to recap or something:
In the minor department, last night I watched "Iron Man 2". I'm usually pretty good for keeping on top of all the latest movies (that I want to see) when they come out.  In this instance I'll blame either The Wife or the kids.  They obviously must have somehow kept me busy on the particular Friday night that my little gaggle of friends went out to see the movie.  Now that I've seen it, all I can say is "meh".  I'm guessing that for a comic book action movie, it would probably be a good idea to have a bunch of that stuff called 'ACTION'.  I'm just sayin'...

Today, the final chapter in the basement saga ended...the carpet got cleaned (yeah I know...anticlimactic). WooHoo 3 months later and I now have my basement back.  Once it got started, everything rolled along pretty quickly and efficiently and that was awesome.  But ... I gotta say one thing ... painters suck.  (I have no problem saying that 'cause I used to be one) First off, the job from beginning to end wasn't large nor difficult (I even considered doing it myself) it wasn't gonna take any of the pros a very long time.  All the other trade did pretty decent work ... then there's the painters.  I could easily tell that their work was of the 'lets do the absolute minimum we can get away with' kind.  Thanks assholes...  I gotta say that I'm really not interested in having the same painters come back to fix their crap so all I can do is tell the insurance company to not pay them and then redo the work myself.  The basement floods and no matter what, I end up repainting the friggin' thing.  It's amazing that people wonder why I'm such a crabby bastard.

I'm gonna have to start going Halloween costume shopping with the kids soon. That's basically comprised of them asking for something and me saying "No, they don't make kind of Halloween costume" about 47 times in a row until one of them caves and gets something that they don't really, really want to be...and then I gotta buy candy.

On the up side, I am looking forward to this weekends deep fry-o-licious event known as Thanksgiving (I'm Canadian for those of you playing the home version).  The kids have a 4-day weekend (Man, when I was a kid, we had to do Thanksgiving walking backwards uphill with a drunk family member ... 4 days ... pampered little ...)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I Need Some More Talent

I just gotta say, if this German version of America's Got Talent was available in Canada, I'd be all over it like stupid on a frat boy.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Oh September, Where For Art Thou (or Somethin', Somethin')

Wow, it's September 30th already, the fall seems to be chugging along with a racing pace as usual. As I bitched about previously, my summer pretty much did a face plant in the crappy zone, and so I was hoping that the fall would do some making up for it. (So far weather not cooperating)
Every year it seems that I make the same proclamation (to which my wife agrees I might add...) :" I really, really don't want THIS September to get away from us" ... Unfortunatley that grand statement never really seems to do any good.  I blame the children.
Seriously, every year it's the same old song and dance, the 'back to school' ballet starts at the end of August (way too early) and that makes the summer seem too short.  That just adds a few more bricks to the kids 'I don't wanna go back to school' wall.  As a consequence the children spend much of September and some of October pretending like the whole school thing is some sort of new alien occurrence.  
Breakfast at 7:15 am ... What the hell is that?
Get ready for school ... I don't know where anything is?
We gotta get going ... Lollygagging 101
Time for homework ... Since when or I'm not sure if I have any
Time for Bed ... I'm really not ti ....ZZZZZZZ
Rince and repeat...
September is a grind.  We spend so much of the week trying to shoehorn the kids back into their school life, and couple that with the runaround burnout that the weekend then becomes; an voila: we get a lost month (if we're lucky). (Never you mind the crap added by sports and activities)
I'm pretty much just waiting around until it's my turn to show up on the show "Intervention".

Yogi, Keep Your Head Down

I don't know why but I seem to be stumbling onto steams of stories with certain themes.  This one is about people with massive amounts of balls who take out bears.
Mich. Teen Kills 448 Pound Black Bear With Arrow

I'm kinda feeling like my rank on the sissy-o-meter has moseyed on up to 11.

Monday, September 27, 2010

I Love Summaries

Something tells me that I've been down this path before ...
I gotta read up on this more 'cause this obviously ain't just a one-off deal.

Even Steven

In order to remain impartial (snicker,snicker) I give you:
Be THANKFUL that this is not your Mom!!!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hug Your Dad

The next time you see you dad go over and give him a giant, sloppy hug and thank him profusely for not being this guy.

The scariest thing about this video is the friggin' "Part 66" .... Oh yeah, this idiot's got a shitload more of these things.
I was gonna end with just 1 of these video but, like a car accident, I took another look at his 'stuff' ... Here's Part 53 ...

Enjoy ... Although I'm not sure if enjoy is the right word to use ...

Back To My Past, Bitches

These come from the Cracked website.  They deal with my beloved 80's movies (Yes, I know that 80's movies tend to suck when you watch them and you're not currently living in the 80's but just play along and help me keep my precious memories alive).

Monday, September 20, 2010

Science ... Harumphhhh ...

I came across these two stories, both wonderfully scientific in nature, both dealing with subjects, for the most part over my head and both leaving me asking the question: " Errr ... Ya ... why?

1. Galaxy shocker: laws of physics may vary throughout the universe
2. Pi record smashed as team finds two-quadrillionth digit

The first one blah, blahs some talk to say that some really small number of some obscure measurement is somewhat different really far away.
The second one blah blahs about how some 1000 computers took 23 days to figure out Pi to the 2,000,000,000,000,000th digit ... Ok, cool I guess ... but ultimately so what?

Maybe I've completely turned in an old fuddy duddy (Ok, so there's no maybes about it) but these 'discoveries' don't exactly rock the world.  I kinda getting the feeling that these are more of the 'because we can' variety and less of the benefit to mankind ... kind.  
I'm sure those of the scientific community are all giggly and full of "OOO's ans AAAh's" but really, unless it's something that we think can help our lives, (I'm strapping on the small world tunnel vision) us dull normals find it really hard to care (Putting a camera in the iPod Touch ... Yes Sir, I can wrap my head around that for sure.)
I'm all for the furthering of science but fuck (Yes I wrote butfuck ... it made me laugh too) discover something that's really gonna mean something to us. You know, cure cancer or build something so that I can watch TV in my mind or something like that.
The Laws of Physics may vary throughout the universe but until the day comes, either when or where, I don't smash my head open falling down the stairs, I'm not gonna get all misty over some photon-ish thingy that gets a bit (a Star Trek term needed here) for a fraction of a fraction of a part of a second.
And while I know that Pi is an endless set of numbers, who gives a shit what the 37 ca-gillion digit is and that it happens to be the number 6 (I don't really know that it is a 6 ... I am, in fact, guessing and ... I don't care ...)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wow, Just Plain Old Wow

Here's the story in a nutshell:  A logger in B.C. was clomping around in some B.C. forest doing logger-type stuff when all of a sudden he saw a large black bear charging him.  Knowing that running was out of the question, the guy picked up a rock and dropped Yogi in his tracks with a well aimed shot right between the eyes.

B.C. logger stuns bear with rock

Never mind the 1 in a million shot (give or take a couple of thousand...who the hell knows except maybe math guys) it's the absolute iron balls of this guy to stand in there and deliver the pitch.  Most of us (no, pretty much all of us) would have either run screaming like a cheerleader in a horror movie or crumbled to the ground hoping that the 'playing dead' move we saw in cartoons would actually work.
This is just so manly that it gives me the heebie jeebies...

'Tis The Season For Giving

Ahh, the middle of September, the weather's starting to head over to the dark side, the kids are back in school, the fall foliage is about to pop and Thanksgiving (in Canada) is just around the corner.  The real marker for me that the fall season is upon us is the delivery of the temporary Halloween store flyer that's chock'o'block full of the 'slutty' costumes.
For instance:                     
The Slutty Angel                The Slutty Fireman             The Slutty Jason
Angel Dress Xl                Backdraft Babe Lg                    Miss Voorhies Adult Sm

The Sassy Tonto (I shit you not)(Sassy=code for slutty)                  
Sassy Tonto Adult 12-14          

I'm sure that this stuff will keep chugging along until Slutty Santa ushers in the Christmas season ...
Velvet Underwire Bustier Garter

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Another Reason To Hate Cats

Man Blames Cat For Child Porn On His Computer
Apart from obviously being disgusting, I'm really not sure what the dumbest part of this story is ... The fact that the guy actually used his cat as an excuse or that he figured that somebody would really fall for it.  If the cat was in fact the culprit then all the police had to do was to check for any suspicious ebay purchases of catnip and rubber mice.  
On a side note, the guy also complained that his budgie was entering false information on his tax returns. 

Monday, September 13, 2010

Oh, How The Chicks Diggit.

How in the hell could anyone be expected to catch a baseball with a ring that big and underwear that high?

Only 103 Shopping Days Until Christmas

A German company has recently brought out a line (or should I say 'released a line') of stuffed animals suffering from mental problems.
The animals are a turtle, a snake, a sheep, a crocodile and a hippo who suffer from things like bipolar disorder, depression and multiple personality disorder.
Right now the only thing that I can see to be missing are the sociopathic cat, the passive-aggressive dog and the squirrel with a hoarding disorder.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I'm Getting A Great Head Start On Lazy Friday

Being a parent, I know that we have all jonesed, in a big way, to do this to one of the kids more annoying toys.  Seeing that this one was a large stuffed pony, I would have blown it up just on principle alone.  A bomb squad in Florida blew the pony up because it was left unattended near an elementary school and I guess with all the Qur'an burning that was supposed to take place in the state, nobody was gonna take any chances.  That being said stuffed animals going "boom" is just funny.

I like YouTube (Also Merry Christmas and Keep Your Head Down)

Show this to the kids and never ever have the naughty or nice conversation again.

I may never be able to look one of those shopping mall Santas in the eye again without getting all weak-kneed and shivery.

The Melon-Baller 4000

Here you go.  Laugh.  Cringe.  Feel better for not ever having to do this.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Barfing Is Now The Least Of My Worries

The wife wants the family to book a cruise for the next family vacation.

It's really not my first choice for a getaway and now...
How often does one ever hear, "Look out for the sliding cafeteria furniture"

Attention: Bitching Zone Ahead

Yes, it's Tuesday, September 7, and for all intents and purposes the Summer of 2010 is over.
Good riddance Motherfucker!!!
Yes, my summer did SUCK!!
I spent most of it sick with some form of a cold or flu and their fun little side effects (Dizzy, Sneezy, Stuffy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Achy and Diarrhea).  
Then there was the weather (I'm over 40 so it's a prerequisite that I bitch about the weather).  For those brief 15 minutes here and there when I wasn't sick, It was so friggin' hot out that it was nearly impossible to leave the house during daylight hours.  Once I accidentally bumped into a sheet of plastic and almost got sucked onto it because of all the humidity.
Then there was the whole dizzy thing that completely fubared my participation in my friend's wedding.
I never got to go camping with my kids.(Caution: I may be descending into self pity)
I wasn't able to exercise like I was planning ( That one I may let slide)
There was no big family vacation.
I didn't go into the 'big city' to try any new restaurants.
There was no deep fry event.
My alcohol consumption was way down.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, my basement flooded again.  At first we thought that it was some kind of a crack in the foundation so we moved out the furniture, tore apart the wall and  pulled up the carpet only to discover(with the help of a foundation company) that it really wasn't the foundation after all.  In fact, it was just some outside leak that was easily fixed. So, now I'm going on 2 months with my basement fucked up and no idea when it's gonna get fixed (thanks insurance company).
After every long winter there always seems to be the inevitable high expectations for the following Summer and after last year's Summer 'o' rain, the expectations for this one were extra high.  To say that I am disappointed is something of an understatement.
It's a genuinely scary thing when you have to pin your hopes on the Fall and Winter to be the saviors of your year.
Here goes nothin'...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I Wonder If He Yelled "Geronimo"?

Here's the story:
The short of it is that a 22 year old New York dude took a 40 storey nosedive onto a parked car and survived. No one, as of yet, knows why it happened.
The thing that gets me it that only three years earlier some guy in New York fell 47 stories and lived.  In other words, the first guy didn't even break any sort of record.    He'll never be THE GUY when people say, "Remember that guy who fell out of the building in New York ..." Nobody wonders about second place.
You'd think that if it was indeed an intentional fall that he would have checked with Guinness first to see what the records were. (Obviously , if the fall was accidental, the whole Guinness thing would be forgiven ... although it never hurts to be prepared ... just sayin')

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe

Here's a story reporting about the dangers and the hazards that can arise from wearing the big doey-eyed contact lenses that Lady Gaga sports in her "Bad Romance" video.

As you can see the title of the story is "Lady Gaga's Big Eyes Spark Health Warning".  My first thought is obviously that the big-eyed thing is probably not the largest health warning that should be sparking when it comes to Lady Gaga.  
As you may be able to tell by the songs that I put in the side thingys, Lady Gaga just not my cup of tea and so I'm not gonna yammer on and on about how my her music induces the general vomiting.
My beef with her is all the dancing in a triangle.  There's no way that that can be good for you ... Thinking that you're the top of a pyramid all the time, not being able to dance in a circle at weddings, the need to flail, etc. (I'm a guy so the whole weird-dressing-not-enough-clothes thing is kind of a non-issue)
Back to the big eye thing.  Does the teen-aged girl have to adopt anything and everything that whatever celebrity throws on to make their look/video a little bit different?  I think that the next big thing with an ounce of a sense of humour should dance around with a big flashing vuvuzela stuffed up their ass for their next video just to see if it catches on.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Ear Plugs And A Stiff Drink Needed

You know, I want to give these guys an "A" for effort, but damn, my ears won't stop bleeding long enough for me to do it.

Yup, Yup, Yup ... I'm getting all video happy over here.
Just watch it.  See if you can endure. Bet against your friends. Hopefully live to tell about it

Here We Go Again, Again

With all the continuously tightening airport security, we seem to be about 20 minutes and two more idiots away from not having people being allowed to get on airplanes at all, and yet ... 
Honestly, a tiger in the luggage (there's gotta be a Tiger Woods joke in there somewhere). I realize that it's a risk/reward thing and that some people will do whatever it takes to make money but ... I don't know ... smuggle something a little less conspicuous or something easily hidden in body cavities like precious gems or the pedestrian drugs. In any case, stick to the basics.

Speechless ... Without Speech

If anyone has seen the movie "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" , the first half hour-ish of this movie is gonna seem somewhat familiar.

Big River Man - Trailer from KNR Productions on Vimeo.
Then there's the rest of the film ... suddenly no more Borat and a lot more "Touching The Void", with a bunch of 'Holy Shit' and 'No Way'.  
On the one hand, it's definitely easy to be inspired buy this crazy, fat guy and run (or more aptly 'mosey with authority') out and begin to swim in anything that was even remotely wet. 
On the other hand, what he accomplished, by far, outweighs anything an 'average' guy could even imagine doing. It goes without saying that only a 'special' (in all ways) sort of person could or would get through something like this.
I suppose that I should try and be somewhat slightly inspired to get off my butt and do something memorable. Maybe I'll read the book first.
I can already feel my enthusiasm waining ...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Head For The Hills People

Whale sends five overboard off New Brunswick

Mon Aug 23, 2:01 PM
By The Canadian Press
CAMPOBELLO ISLAND, N.B. - RCMP say five people had to be rescued after they were thrown overboard when a whale upset their small boat in the Bay of Fundy off New Brunswick.

Police say a group of local residents was watching a pod of whales near Campobello Island on Saturday when one of the finbacks swam underneath them, flipped the boat and dumped everyone into the water.
The crew of a nearby fishing vessel rescued all five people and returned them safely to shore, where emergency personnel were waiting.
Two of the boaters were taken to hospital in St. Stephen, N.B., for non-life-threatening injuries.
RCMP say the people on the boat had access to personal flotation devices, but were not wearing them.
The U.S. and Canadian coast guards were both contacted about the incident.
However, a spokesperson for the Joint Rescue Co-ordination Centre in Halifax says their services were not needed.
Have a gander at two of my earlier posts:
It's getting pretty obvious that mother nature is pissed and she's taking names and lookin' to kick a whole lotta ass.  It's a bonafide animal uprising.  Everybody needs to watch those "Planet of the Apes" movies (except for maybe that Marky Mark one) for a wake-up call and a little look-see into a possible future.
Honestly, do we really believe that those Alaskan Grizzlies are gathering 'cause they really like the fish.  Oh No, I tell you. They're just waiting until the year enough of us come together to watch their cute teddy bear antics and then Whamo ... a whole shitload less of us numbnuts running around to bother them.
Remember, at all times, keep at least one eye on that squirrel in the park ... sure as anything, he's plotting your demise.