Thursday, September 30, 2010

Oh September, Where For Art Thou (or Somethin', Somethin')

Wow, it's September 30th already, the fall seems to be chugging along with a racing pace as usual. As I bitched about previously, my summer pretty much did a face plant in the crappy zone, and so I was hoping that the fall would do some making up for it. (So far weather not cooperating)
Every year it seems that I make the same proclamation (to which my wife agrees I might add...) :" I really, really don't want THIS September to get away from us" ... Unfortunatley that grand statement never really seems to do any good.  I blame the children.
Seriously, every year it's the same old song and dance, the 'back to school' ballet starts at the end of August (way too early) and that makes the summer seem too short.  That just adds a few more bricks to the kids 'I don't wanna go back to school' wall.  As a consequence the children spend much of September and some of October pretending like the whole school thing is some sort of new alien occurrence.  
Breakfast at 7:15 am ... What the hell is that?
Get ready for school ... I don't know where anything is?
We gotta get going ... Lollygagging 101
Time for homework ... Since when or I'm not sure if I have any
Time for Bed ... I'm really not ti ....ZZZZZZZ
Rince and repeat...
September is a grind.  We spend so much of the week trying to shoehorn the kids back into their school life, and couple that with the runaround burnout that the weekend then becomes; an voila: we get a lost month (if we're lucky). (Never you mind the crap added by sports and activities)
I'm pretty much just waiting around until it's my turn to show up on the show "Intervention".

Yogi, Keep Your Head Down

I don't know why but I seem to be stumbling onto steams of stories with certain themes.  This one is about people with massive amounts of balls who take out bears.
Mich. Teen Kills 448 Pound Black Bear With Arrow

I'm kinda feeling like my rank on the sissy-o-meter has moseyed on up to 11.

Monday, September 27, 2010

I Love Summaries

Something tells me that I've been down this path before ...
I gotta read up on this more 'cause this obviously ain't just a one-off deal.

Even Steven

In order to remain impartial (snicker,snicker) I give you:
Be THANKFUL that this is not your Mom!!!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hug Your Dad

The next time you see you dad go over and give him a giant, sloppy hug and thank him profusely for not being this guy.

The scariest thing about this video is the friggin' "Part 66" .... Oh yeah, this idiot's got a shitload more of these things.
I was gonna end with just 1 of these video but, like a car accident, I took another look at his 'stuff' ... Here's Part 53 ...

Enjoy ... Although I'm not sure if enjoy is the right word to use ...

Back To My Past, Bitches

These come from the Cracked website.  They deal with my beloved 80's movies (Yes, I know that 80's movies tend to suck when you watch them and you're not currently living in the 80's but just play along and help me keep my precious memories alive).

Monday, September 20, 2010

Science ... Harumphhhh ...

I came across these two stories, both wonderfully scientific in nature, both dealing with subjects, for the most part over my head and both leaving me asking the question: " Errr ... Ya ... why?

1. Galaxy shocker: laws of physics may vary throughout the universe
2. Pi record smashed as team finds two-quadrillionth digit

The first one blah, blahs some talk to say that some really small number of some obscure measurement is somewhat different really far away.
The second one blah blahs about how some 1000 computers took 23 days to figure out Pi to the 2,000,000,000,000,000th digit ... Ok, cool I guess ... but ultimately so what?

Maybe I've completely turned in an old fuddy duddy (Ok, so there's no maybes about it) but these 'discoveries' don't exactly rock the world.  I kinda getting the feeling that these are more of the 'because we can' variety and less of the benefit to mankind ... kind.  
I'm sure those of the scientific community are all giggly and full of "OOO's ans AAAh's" but really, unless it's something that we think can help our lives, (I'm strapping on the small world tunnel vision) us dull normals find it really hard to care (Putting a camera in the iPod Touch ... Yes Sir, I can wrap my head around that for sure.)
I'm all for the furthering of science but fuck (Yes I wrote butfuck ... it made me laugh too) discover something that's really gonna mean something to us. You know, cure cancer or build something so that I can watch TV in my mind or something like that.
The Laws of Physics may vary throughout the universe but until the day comes, either when or where, I don't smash my head open falling down the stairs, I'm not gonna get all misty over some photon-ish thingy that gets a bit (a Star Trek term needed here) for a fraction of a fraction of a part of a second.
And while I know that Pi is an endless set of numbers, who gives a shit what the 37 ca-gillion digit is and that it happens to be the number 6 (I don't really know that it is a 6 ... I am, in fact, guessing and ... I don't care ...)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wow, Just Plain Old Wow

Here's the story in a nutshell:  A logger in B.C. was clomping around in some B.C. forest doing logger-type stuff when all of a sudden he saw a large black bear charging him.  Knowing that running was out of the question, the guy picked up a rock and dropped Yogi in his tracks with a well aimed shot right between the eyes.

B.C. logger stuns bear with rock

Never mind the 1 in a million shot (give or take a couple of thousand...who the hell knows except maybe math guys) it's the absolute iron balls of this guy to stand in there and deliver the pitch.  Most of us (no, pretty much all of us) would have either run screaming like a cheerleader in a horror movie or crumbled to the ground hoping that the 'playing dead' move we saw in cartoons would actually work.
This is just so manly that it gives me the heebie jeebies...

'Tis The Season For Giving

Ahh, the middle of September, the weather's starting to head over to the dark side, the kids are back in school, the fall foliage is about to pop and Thanksgiving (in Canada) is just around the corner.  The real marker for me that the fall season is upon us is the delivery of the temporary Halloween store flyer that's chock'o'block full of the 'slutty' costumes.
For instance:                     
The Slutty Angel                The Slutty Fireman             The Slutty Jason
Angel Dress Xl                Backdraft Babe Lg                    Miss Voorhies Adult Sm

The Sassy Tonto (I shit you not)(Sassy=code for slutty)                  
Sassy Tonto Adult 12-14          

I'm sure that this stuff will keep chugging along until Slutty Santa ushers in the Christmas season ...
Velvet Underwire Bustier Garter

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Another Reason To Hate Cats

Man Blames Cat For Child Porn On His Computer
Apart from obviously being disgusting, I'm really not sure what the dumbest part of this story is ... The fact that the guy actually used his cat as an excuse or that he figured that somebody would really fall for it.  If the cat was in fact the culprit then all the police had to do was to check for any suspicious ebay purchases of catnip and rubber mice.  
On a side note, the guy also complained that his budgie was entering false information on his tax returns. 

Monday, September 13, 2010

Oh, How The Chicks Diggit.

How in the hell could anyone be expected to catch a baseball with a ring that big and underwear that high?

Only 103 Shopping Days Until Christmas

A German company has recently brought out a line (or should I say 'released a line') of stuffed animals suffering from mental problems.
The animals are a turtle, a snake, a sheep, a crocodile and a hippo who suffer from things like bipolar disorder, depression and multiple personality disorder.
Right now the only thing that I can see to be missing are the sociopathic cat, the passive-aggressive dog and the squirrel with a hoarding disorder.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I'm Getting A Great Head Start On Lazy Friday

Being a parent, I know that we have all jonesed, in a big way, to do this to one of the kids more annoying toys.  Seeing that this one was a large stuffed pony, I would have blown it up just on principle alone.  A bomb squad in Florida blew the pony up because it was left unattended near an elementary school and I guess with all the Qur'an burning that was supposed to take place in the state, nobody was gonna take any chances.  That being said stuffed animals going "boom" is just funny.

I like YouTube (Also Merry Christmas and Keep Your Head Down)

Show this to the kids and never ever have the naughty or nice conversation again.

I may never be able to look one of those shopping mall Santas in the eye again without getting all weak-kneed and shivery.

The Melon-Baller 4000

Here you go.  Laugh.  Cringe.  Feel better for not ever having to do this.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Barfing Is Now The Least Of My Worries

The wife wants the family to book a cruise for the next family vacation.

It's really not my first choice for a getaway and now...
How often does one ever hear, "Look out for the sliding cafeteria furniture"

Attention: Bitching Zone Ahead

Yes, it's Tuesday, September 7, and for all intents and purposes the Summer of 2010 is over.
Good riddance Motherfucker!!!
Yes, my summer did SUCK!!
I spent most of it sick with some form of a cold or flu and their fun little side effects (Dizzy, Sneezy, Stuffy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Achy and Diarrhea).  
Then there was the weather (I'm over 40 so it's a prerequisite that I bitch about the weather).  For those brief 15 minutes here and there when I wasn't sick, It was so friggin' hot out that it was nearly impossible to leave the house during daylight hours.  Once I accidentally bumped into a sheet of plastic and almost got sucked onto it because of all the humidity.
Then there was the whole dizzy thing that completely fubared my participation in my friend's wedding.
I never got to go camping with my kids.(Caution: I may be descending into self pity)
I wasn't able to exercise like I was planning ( That one I may let slide)
There was no big family vacation.
I didn't go into the 'big city' to try any new restaurants.
There was no deep fry event.
My alcohol consumption was way down.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, my basement flooded again.  At first we thought that it was some kind of a crack in the foundation so we moved out the furniture, tore apart the wall and  pulled up the carpet only to discover(with the help of a foundation company) that it really wasn't the foundation after all.  In fact, it was just some outside leak that was easily fixed. So, now I'm going on 2 months with my basement fucked up and no idea when it's gonna get fixed (thanks insurance company).
After every long winter there always seems to be the inevitable high expectations for the following Summer and after last year's Summer 'o' rain, the expectations for this one were extra high.  To say that I am disappointed is something of an understatement.
It's a genuinely scary thing when you have to pin your hopes on the Fall and Winter to be the saviors of your year.
Here goes nothin'...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I Wonder If He Yelled "Geronimo"?

Here's the story:
The short of it is that a 22 year old New York dude took a 40 storey nosedive onto a parked car and survived. No one, as of yet, knows why it happened.
The thing that gets me it that only three years earlier some guy in New York fell 47 stories and lived.  In other words, the first guy didn't even break any sort of record.    He'll never be THE GUY when people say, "Remember that guy who fell out of the building in New York ..." Nobody wonders about second place.
You'd think that if it was indeed an intentional fall that he would have checked with Guinness first to see what the records were. (Obviously , if the fall was accidental, the whole Guinness thing would be forgiven ... although it never hurts to be prepared ... just sayin')