Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe

Here's a story reporting about the dangers and the hazards that can arise from wearing the big doey-eyed contact lenses that Lady Gaga sports in her "Bad Romance" video.

As you can see the title of the story is "Lady Gaga's Big Eyes Spark Health Warning".  My first thought is obviously that the big-eyed thing is probably not the largest health warning that should be sparking when it comes to Lady Gaga.  
As you may be able to tell by the songs that I put in the side thingys, Lady Gaga just not my cup of tea and so I'm not gonna yammer on and on about how my her music induces the general vomiting.
My beef with her is all the dancing in a triangle.  There's no way that that can be good for you ... Thinking that you're the top of a pyramid all the time, not being able to dance in a circle at weddings, the need to flail, etc. (I'm a guy so the whole weird-dressing-not-enough-clothes thing is kind of a non-issue)
Back to the big eye thing.  Does the teen-aged girl have to adopt anything and everything that whatever celebrity throws on to make their look/video a little bit different?  I think that the next big thing with an ounce of a sense of humour should dance around with a big flashing vuvuzela stuffed up their ass for their next video just to see if it catches on.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Ear Plugs And A Stiff Drink Needed

You know, I want to give these guys an "A" for effort, but damn, my ears won't stop bleeding long enough for me to do it.

Yup, Yup, Yup ... I'm getting all video happy over here.
Just watch it.  See if you can endure. Bet against your friends. Hopefully live to tell about it

Here We Go Again, Again

With all the continuously tightening airport security, we seem to be about 20 minutes and two more idiots away from not having people being allowed to get on airplanes at all, and yet ... 
Honestly, a tiger in the luggage (there's gotta be a Tiger Woods joke in there somewhere). I realize that it's a risk/reward thing and that some people will do whatever it takes to make money but ... I don't know ... smuggle something a little less conspicuous or something easily hidden in body cavities like precious gems or the pedestrian drugs. In any case, stick to the basics.

Speechless ... Without Speech

If anyone has seen the movie "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" , the first half hour-ish of this movie is gonna seem somewhat familiar.

Big River Man - Trailer from KNR Productions on Vimeo.
Then there's the rest of the film ... suddenly no more Borat and a lot more "Touching The Void", with a bunch of 'Holy Shit' and 'No Way'.  
On the one hand, it's definitely easy to be inspired buy this crazy, fat guy and run (or more aptly 'mosey with authority') out and begin to swim in anything that was even remotely wet. 
On the other hand, what he accomplished, by far, outweighs anything an 'average' guy could even imagine doing. It goes without saying that only a 'special' (in all ways) sort of person could or would get through something like this.
I suppose that I should try and be somewhat slightly inspired to get off my butt and do something memorable. Maybe I'll read the book first.
I can already feel my enthusiasm waining ...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Head For The Hills People

Whale sends five overboard off New Brunswick

Mon Aug 23, 2:01 PM
By The Canadian Press
CAMPOBELLO ISLAND, N.B. - RCMP say five people had to be rescued after they were thrown overboard when a whale upset their small boat in the Bay of Fundy off New Brunswick.

Police say a group of local residents was watching a pod of whales near Campobello Island on Saturday when one of the finbacks swam underneath them, flipped the boat and dumped everyone into the water.
The crew of a nearby fishing vessel rescued all five people and returned them safely to shore, where emergency personnel were waiting.
Two of the boaters were taken to hospital in St. Stephen, N.B., for non-life-threatening injuries.
RCMP say the people on the boat had access to personal flotation devices, but were not wearing them.
The U.S. and Canadian coast guards were both contacted about the incident.
However, a spokesperson for the Joint Rescue Co-ordination Centre in Halifax says their services were not needed.
Have a gander at two of my earlier posts:
It's getting pretty obvious that mother nature is pissed and she's taking names and lookin' to kick a whole lotta ass.  It's a bonafide animal uprising.  Everybody needs to watch those "Planet of the Apes" movies (except for maybe that Marky Mark one) for a wake-up call and a little look-see into a possible future.
Honestly, do we really believe that those Alaskan Grizzlies are gathering 'cause they really like the fish.  Oh No, I tell you. They're just waiting until the year enough of us come together to watch their cute teddy bear antics and then Whamo ... a whole shitload less of us numbnuts running around to bother them.
Remember, at all times, keep at least one eye on that squirrel in the park ... sure as anything, he's plotting your demise.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Ain't Got Nuthin' But WTF

Just read this:

NY police find live cat 'marinating' in car trunk

Unfortunately I can't seem to think of much to add to this ... I know that I should be able to add something but I've really got nothing ... 
OK how about People Are Strange ... I think that I've heard that somewhere before ...

Hello Darwin ...

It it just me or does this not look like a big bunch of happy meals taking pictures of bears.

Putting on a show: Spectators from around the globe look on as tens of brown bears congregate at the Brooks River in Alaska to catch salmon

The REAL teddy bears' picnic: Fish supper for 20 as grizzlies gather for annual salmon-feasting frenzy
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1300886/If-woods--Spectators-watch-just-10-metres-away-20-Brown-Bears-gather-annual-salmon-feast.html#ixzz0xOQMmQZV

I'm gathering that it would take about 15 minutes, after one of these idiots got mauled, for people to start yelling about the problem that the bears are posing when they are all gathered in one place.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

HO ... HUM ... SIGH ... Gurgle

Yes, Virginia there has been a definite lack of blog postings lately ... Here's my lame excuse as to why:
It all started (yes I'm gonna begin it like that) on Wednesday, August the 11th.  Early in the morning, I, my two sons and my good buddy set off eagerly for a small town in New Brunswick to attend the latter good buddies' wedding.  All went well.  Fast forward to Thursday.  At various point during the day I got dizzy.  Friday we went golfing ... also dizzy. Saturday, I was the best man at the wedding (which was wonderful) and as such I, along with the whole wedding party, sat through a shitload of wedding pictures taken during what seemed like he hottest day in New Brunswick history.(I know that it sounds a bit pissy of me but hey I was still feeling like crap).  I don't know what was up but I spent Saturday night suffering through the worst non-alcoholic induced hangover-like episode that I had ever even been close to.  It was full of spinning rooms, dry heaves and praying to the almighty.
Fast forward again, and after plenty of daytime sleeping, another long ten hour drive home and a trip to the doctor, I am here to declare that my meager reason for being postless has a name ... and that name is Labrynthitis.  It is an infection or swelling in the middle ear and it's screwing with my balance and making me feel woozy and not to keen on doing too much.(I know that I threw 3 and into that last sentence but hey sue me ...I still feel crappy ...and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and)
I the coming days I'm gonna try and post more but it's all gonna depend on how I'm feeling.
( I did manage to get through my best-man's-speech without yacking or falling down ... Yay Me ... small victories, small victories ...)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Obviously, there's no two ways about it, this shit is nothing but cool.

Ok, so this is a commercial that has been set up and edited to look like it is fluid and spontaneous but at the end of the day these guys are still performing the stunts.  Again, I realize that this is coming from a 43yr old fart sitting behind a computer BUT these guys are just one lazy handyman away from ending up dead.  
You always seem to have these extreme sports guys and stuntmen type dudes who prattle on and on about how safe their particular sport is because they are professionals that have scientifically anticipated every possible outcome and how awesome their fail-proof equipment is.  This usually happens about a week before they end up smushed.  
Seriously, the margin for error with all these things is so tiny that sooner or later the 'human' effect is gonna slam into play with the obviously horrible consequences.  Remember the last time you tripped walking up the stairs ... or bit the inside of your mouth fricken chewing and we do that easily every day.  
Hey shit happens ... but when you jump off a cliff with a tiny parachute enough times, eventually you're gonna end up eating it.

MOO Means Left and MOO-OO Means Right

I saw this on the blog Clever Idiot

"Those burgers you got at the drive-thru sure are fresh"

Sunday, August 8, 2010

3...2...1...Go ... Well, I really like Boba Fett

Here's a notice/site/whatever you want to call it that is putting out info for a Star Wars Celebration type gathering in Orlando next weekend ( or whatever, I really didn't get into the details of the whole thing ... it's Sunday morning and I'm being a lazy reader)  Now, what caught my eye was that on 2 occasions the 'conference' is advertising a session of "Star Wars Speed Dating".
Yes, we are all wondering how the worlds of Star wars and dating rotate in any sort of vicinity of one another, never mind collide ... but there it is.
Star Wars Speed Dating
I'm not going to go on about nerds etc. Hey,  everyone needs to find someone to share interests, happiness and blah, blah, blah.
The thing that I can't wrap my head around is these guys:
DJ MadKidJedi (left) and Host Gi-Ganakin (right).

DJ MadKidJedi (left) and
Host Gi-Ganakin (right)

Would anybody in their right mind trust their musical enjoyment and their potential love life to these two guys?      (If I'm gonna be all judgy 'n' stuff)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bacon : It's God's Work

Go ahead, read this article: "Cold Cuts Could Cause Cancer: Study" (by the way, which word doesn't belong?? Take in all the doom and gloom, absorb all the foreboding darkness gleaned from partaking in the Bologna, Pastrami and Pimento Loaf. 
"Already linked with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and certain cancers, including cancer of the pancreas, red meat was found by a team of US researchers to be a possible cause of bladder cancer, a study published in the journal Cancer said.""The culprits in the cold cuts are nitrates and nitrites which are added to meat when it is processed to preserve and enhance color and flavor." 

Me ... This is what I read: "For those who can't do without their bacon-cheeseburger, some good news: scientists found no associations between beef, bacon, hamburger, sausage or steak and bladder cancer."

YAY Bacon!!  You're such a good boy!! ... Yes you are ... Yes you are ... You know you're Daddy's favorite!!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Honey, I Got Great Tickets To The Race

I'm guessing that the thought bubble for one of the guys standing and watching the race went something like this:
Oh what a lovely day for a race ... Wow it's already lap number 7.  This race is just ... well ... racing by. Hee Hee Hee
Oh I hear them coming around again ... I wonder who's leadddddddddddd!!!! Whoaaaa What's ... RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!!!!!!
Gotta find me a quiet place so I can check my undies ?!?

Sesame-Freakin'-Street Baby

I found this on FunnyCrave
Medical Billing
[Via: Medical Billing]

Just one thing though, I'm not really wrapping my head around how the producers equated a huge, brown, feather boa covered, nasaly voiced elephant looking thing with sexual abuse.

Monday, August 2, 2010

OK, so here's how last Saturday went:

  • Woke up (kinda a given)
  • Headed to one friend's place for 10 am
  • Another friend picked us up
  • The 3 of us drove 2 hrs to Ottawa to go pick up a keyboard
  • Got slightly lost when our GPS lied to us
  • Ended up with a keyboard, a box of booze bottles (of various levels) and 3 cans of maple syrup
  • Bought 9 bottles of wine
  • Almost went to a Don Cherry's restaurant
  • Left Ottawa
  • Drove 1 1/2 hrs looking for a roadside vegetable stand so we could buy corn
  • Found corn. Bought corn
  • Found roadside KFC
  • Cured biannual KFC craving
  • Returned to friend's house
  • Left again to buy propane
  • Dude who filled propane tanks was sporting a company shirt that was way too small, tight black pants and cheesy loafers that were way too white.
  • Returned to friend's house
  • Other friend complained that Pam cooking spray was used on the 'whatever wandered into to factory' hot dogs.  We compared the chemicals in Pam and hot dogs.  Hot dogs won.
  • Ate hot dogs with bacon
  • Yelled at a skunk (would have preferred to chase it off with a BB gun but that's another story)
  • Went home (with wine and maple syrup)

Ice-ish, Ice-ish Baby

Vanilla Ice has got a reality show (doesn't everyone) that's supposed to start in September.  This clip from the show really over-hypes a 'stunt' that he finally 'accomplishes'.  Apparently he jumps a car through fire and into a lake.  It's more kinda like he granny-crashes a car with 2 flares on it into a pond ... and then almost drowns ... getting out of the car was probably the most stunty thing that he did.  It is, after all, VANILLA ICE.